On 19th October, my mental health took a drastic turn for the worse. I no longer wanted to exist. I couldn't stop crying, I was angry at everything, and I had completely lost hope.
It soon became clear that I had run out of medication and hadn't actually taken it for two days. Anyone who has experienced the effects of missing antidepressants will know just how quickly things can spiral. However, missing my medication wasn't the only reason my mood had crashed so suddenly.
For some context, I had been taking 120mg of Duloxetine for the past couple of months after spending almost a year on 90mg. Unfortunately, it seemed to stop being effective. One day at work, there was a noticeable change in both my mood and behaviour, so under my doctor's guidance, my dosage was increased.
Before increasing the dose, we also tried adding a beta blocker. Unfortunately, I had an allergic reaction, and it did nothing to help with the heart palpitations or breathing difficulties I was experiencing.
With both options failing, there was only one route left: changing my medication completely. Due to the high dosage I was taking, this wouldn't be as simple as switching from one prescription to another. Instead, I would need to gradually reduce my dosage week by week until I could safely stop taking it.
I requested my repeat prescription on 9th October because I only had just over a week's supply remaining. A week later, I called my pharmacy in Manchester to check whether it was ready, as I was down to my last few days of medication.
It wasn't.
I was told they had to order more stock and was advised to call back the next day. About ten minutes later, I rang again and spoke to someone else, who informed me that my prescription was actually ready to collect. However, they also addressed me by a completely different name.
How much confidence was I supposed to have in that?
I decided not to risk the journey. At the time, I was staying in Leeds and already struggle with driving because of anxiety.
On 17th October, my partner and I took his son to the Manchester Museum. Whilst we were there, I planned to collect my medication. When we arrived, we discovered the pharmacy had closed early.
That meant I would have to go the entire weekend without my medication before returning to Leeds.
By 19th October, my mental health had deteriorated significantly. My partner was so concerned that he took the day off work to stay with me. He contacted NHS 111 and requested an emergency supply be sent to a pharmacy in Leeds.
They agreed.
We walked to the pharmacy together. I was in pieces. I couldn't stop crying and genuinely couldn't see the point in anything anymore.
When we arrived, we were told they hadn't received the request and that I should go back to my usual pharmacy. My partner explained the situation and the urgency of it, but we were dismissed and turned away.
He called 111 again, and after more phone calls and more stress, they managed to arrange for my prescription to be sent to a different pharmacy, where I was finally able to collect it.
Because of this experience, and because I had completely lost faith in services that deal with vulnerable people every day, I went into full White Chicks mode.
"I want to speak to your supervisor, better yet, I'm going to write a letter."
I ended up writing two lengthy emails explaining everything that had happened. Only one organisation responded, saying they would pass my concerns to the area manager.
And that is where the idea for Let's Rant! was born.
How are we supposed to stay silent when we've experienced failures in systems that are meant to support people at their lowest moments?
Sometimes we simply need a good rant.
But sometimes, hidden inside that rant, is something useful. A lesson. A warning. A conversation that could help someone else navigate the same situation. Maybe someone working in mental health support will read these stories and be inspired to make a difference.
Who knows?
Either way, here we are.
Today, I went to the Post Office whilst talking on the phone, because leaving the house alone is still something I struggle with. Afterwards, I decided to walk through the Arndale Centre in Cross Gates to pick up some bread and milk.
To my surprise, there were stall after stall of charities and support organisations handing out leaflets and information.
I couldn't help but stop and have a look.
I picked up a few leaflets with the intention of researching them and sharing their services here, but one organisation in particular stood out. I ended up having a lovely conversation with one of the volunteers, and what started as a quick stop turned into something much more meaningful.
Fate, or coincidence?
Maybe it's a sign that creating Let's Rant! was a good idea. Maybe it will genuinely help somebody. Who knows.
The organisation that caught my attention was Linking Leeds.
Linking Leeds is a free social prescribing service that connects people with services, support networks and activities within their local community. Funded by the NHS, its goal is to improve social, economic and mental wellbeing throughout Leeds.
They can help with:
- Housing and financial difficulties
- Wellbeing and emotional support
- Loneliness and social isolation
- Addiction support
- Meaningful social activities
- Mental health concerns
They work within local GP surgeries and community centres and partner with a wide range of organisations, including:
- Inspire North
- Mind Leeds
- Barca Leeds
- Better Leeds Communities
- Leeds City Council
- Leeds Irish Health and Homes
- Feel Good Factor
- Age UK Leeds
If you're wondering what social prescribing actually means, you're not alone.
Social prescribing helps people address challenges in their lives that may be affecting their physical or mental wellbeing. Rather than focusing solely on medical treatment, it connects people with practical support, community services and activities that can improve their quality of life. The support is tailored to the individual, helping them feel healthier, more connected and better equipped to cope with life's challenges.
If you live in the Leeds area and think this service might be helpful, I'll be adding their contact details, along with information from the other organisations I picked up leaflets from, to the Mental Health Resources page.
And honestly, after everything that's happened over the past few weeks, finding those stalls today felt like exactly what I needed.
Maybe it was fate after all.
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